In Love

Do you know what it feels like to love someone so much you cant stop thinking about them and all you can hear is their voice saying random things in your head? I do. Do you know how it feels to be so sick to your stomach when they are upset, that you start to shake? I do. I fell in love this week, like I've never fell before. Let me tell you it hurts like heck but it is the most awesome feeling in the world. I dont know what to do, cuz I cant think of anything or anyone else. IT IS CRAZY! The worst part is I think he liked me back and I broke his heart. He thinks I dont like him but the truth is, I'm crazy about him! He asked me fifty times ( that is literal, my friend Grant was counting) if I liked him and each time I said no. My shyness and fear of rejection held me back. How stupid am I?!?! He goes to my church and I said I dont like church boys because they are ignorant. I wasnt talking about him. He was all depressed when we were in the car, and he said 25% was my fault, 50% was his, and 25% was some other girls fault ( i think it was his ex-girlfriend). He said I was exactly like her. OUCH. I asked why it was my fault and he said he would never tell. He said he hated me. Man it hurt. But something good came from it, he said, "I'm sorry" in the smallest, quietest, most sincere voice a girl could ever wish to hear. I said " what?" and he said it again. I told him it was ok and he didnt do any thing wrong. He just smiled and we moved on. Then he said' " I'm still not gonna tell you" with a sly smile on his face. I said, "Tell me when we're like thirty". He said, "ok". That was yesterday. I think I'm gonna see him again tomorrow. I cant wait. If I don't I will be soooooooo disappointed. I was so totally flirting and I was telling him I liked him in an indiredt way. Man, love is blind. People said he was flirting too but I didnt notice. I spent almost every minute of every day last week with him. ( except when we were sleeping, guys were on 2nd floor girls were on the 7th). He was the first guy I saw when I woke up and went to breakfast and last guy I saw before I went up to my floor, showered, and went to sleep. I think I kinda ditched my friend for him, but not on purpose. She hates me now but at least he doesnt. The crazy thing is, I've known him for a year and I hated him then. He is friends with my brother so he even has slept over (haha). He is a year older than me. Why am I so in love with this boy, you may ask. Well he is nice (everyone says he's mean but he is nice to me (= ), hilarious (we have a million inside jokes and every time he opens his mouth something hilarious comes out), kinda cute, a christian, a perv like me ( not too over the top tho), and he is sincere in everything he does. The only thing wrong is he kinda ignores me sometimes when his friends are around. But that is only like 35% of the time. Please comment if you have advice or if you feel the same way about someone. I'd love to know. I'm not gonna sign my name or tell his for the sake of privacy but if you know me well, you can probably figure it out. I might tell you if you email me, but hey you never know what is gonna happen, right?